Sunday, March 09, 2008
The rain slants across the open field. My windward pocket is filling up with water, I shift my guide book to leeward. Five solid hours on my feet and still a long way from home base. The question has to be asked, Why am I doing this? There is no good answer. Just keep on walking, one heavy booted burning footed step after the other.
I know it is a sign of tiredness when I know better than the guide book, or perhaps I'm just past being able to following the instructions in sequence.
At a particularly large crop field, walk across to the lone tree in the middle and keep on the same line to a stile at the far side. Now turn left, with the hedge on your right, and aim for the bottom right-hand field corner, round the stile and into trees. I'm on Walk 6: Shanklin to Brading via Culver Cliff and Bembridge. 12 miles (at least!) A Walker's Guide to the Isle of Wight.
They say that people with Alzheimer's go on for a remarkably long time without diagnosis. Living on familiar territory, having a daily routine, working around difficulties a sufferer can pass for years. It's when they go on holiday, visit relatives, move house, change their familiar routine that the cracks start to show. I'm not suffering from Alzheimer's however being away from my ordered life in the monastery certainly shows up my mental quirks. Which can be disturbing.
I found out I have a mild case of dyslexia in 2000 while on a basic computing course. I was ecstatically happy! My, often difficult, life of learning and functioning up to that point was explained. A sangha friend took me aside at that time and told me I'd better be less up-beat because err...dyslexia is a PROBLEM. In other words something to be ashamed of, I supposed.
Having difficulty with sequencing is a well known symptom of dyslexia, as is having a really poor short term memory. Now, getting to grips with changes to this web site and having to learn the new language that drives the whole thing, is a real test. Why am I doing this becomes a real question in the face of difficulties and frustrations. There's no real answer. Some would say it seems like a 'good' thing to do, to me it is a very difficult thing to do and feels bad. I'd rather avoid it and that's precisely why I'm having a go. Firstly I have to get my hands dirty with understanding HTML, sequencing hell.
Thank goodness training points to a deeper place than feelings and uses trials and tribulations as way markers. Places to pause, take stock and move on. Hallilula!